No More Idiots

This is a complete praise report. Two weeks ago I prayed that Jesus would take the word Idiot out of my vocabulary. The pastor from the church I used to attend posted on Facebook that his youngest daughter was calling her older siblings idiots and how he explained to her that Jesus said this was the equivalent to murdering someone. She then went on to say "Idiot 1, Idiot 2." He then said "Double Homicide," I cracked up, but it convicted me. I started thinking to myself how often I call someone an idiot. This mulled around in my head for months. Then I went out and found the verse in the Bible that noted where Jesus said this. Matthew 5:22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. Holy Smokes, it is not just murder, it is hell we are talking about here! So I tried on my own strength to get this out of my mouth. The bible states that the tongue is the most uncontrollable part of our body. Believe me, I know this to be true, my mouth has caused me more issues than I care to list. So I humbled myself at my home fellowship group two Fridays ago. It felt like a silly prayer, but I really wanted this out of my mouth and heart. Since then I have not had it come out of my mouth except for one time which is huge for me! Now when I feel like it might come out of my mouth, or it even pops in my head I know I am weak in the spirit and pray. What used to be a weapon against others has become a spiritual rubber band around my wrist, that every time I start to feel the word come on, I snap myself back in line with God's will. Praise Jesus! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13

Parenting Step-Children 2: Let Them Be

Well I was not sure what to say after the first post. The next topic that stood out to me the most was: Let Them Be! Why this title? I have two step-sons, they are 15 and 17 and let's be honest if they were my biological kids they would not want that much to do with me, but because they are my step-sons they want even less! This is actually very good, because I truly believe God does this at these ages so they will feel the want to be independent adults. As a step-parent though, we tend to take this as an outright rejection of us. It is not this at all. When I was 15 I moved in with my Dad, Step-mom and half brother who was two years old at the time. I was so excited to live with my "new" family. I of course started out wanting to do everything with them. As I grew though, they became dun dun dunnnnnn PARENTS!!! AHHHHHHH, I was a decent kid, I definitely was not perfect but OK. I remember my friends and I thought my step-mom was AWESOME because she took us to TP a house. (None of us were legal to drive yet) Then for some reason I turned in to a butthead towards my family. It literally was almost over night. I wasn't always awful but I do remember only wanting to talk to them on my terms. Seriously I look back at myself and think why couldn't I have just been abnormal and been nice to my family? Now all of that being said as parents, we can glean from this. Our kids, step or not feel a want for independence. We all have the chance when they are 1-7 to get tons of snuggles and love, from there on out they slowly start pulling away. As step-parents though we often don't get this stage because the kids are older when we come in to their lives. We step-parents have to respect this need for space even more. If they are not out right rude to our faces, and they are not breaking rules or laws they deserve their space. Make sure you listen when they do speak to you though because they really want you at that moment and time. Try to involve them in your life, if they don't want to be there well, let it go. They don't have that natural bond to you that they do their biological parents but when they want you, they want you, so be ready when they ask for your attention. You get two fruits of the spirit here, Self-Control and Love. Being a step-parent is a blessing and a hard job but if you keep it in perspective it is a lot easier. I told myself a long time ago, at least I am not Joseph raising Jesus. It is not like my two step-kids are the Son of God. :o)

My Rules for Step-Parenting

You meet the man you have been waiting for, good, kind, honest and oh wait a great father. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?! Well you want to have babies with this man someday and at least you already know what a great father he is going to be......right?! That was my reaction when I met my husband. I just knew he and I were meant to be together, but I was not sure I was ready for the whole kid thing. I wanted my own baby but I didn't know if I was ready to raise someone else's child. Being a step-kid myself and having had three step-moms and two step-dads at this point I thought, well at least I knew what I liked and didn't like from the child's perspective, that should give me a leg up!

Rule 1 Hold Your Tongue
I knew I was entering a position that has been vilified by fairy tales and TV alike. GREAT! I get that battle on top of everything else, THAAANNNKSS. Then there was the ex-wife/mother of these children factor. I had another layer there that I won't discuss in this blog out of respect for my children's mother. The part that I can discuss is that she was having to deal with these two kids that she birthed, having that maternal love for them that no one can break, listening to them talk about me and the fun stuff we would do. Let me tell you that would bring out the Mama Grizzly in even the most level headed woman. All the while I am just wanting to do right by the kids. She did of course get jealous and say things to the children that she shouldn't have, thereby creating a struggle with in these kids of loyalty. The kids actually liked me and when she would say bad things about me, the kids felt compelled to side with her, after all they are her children. I knew I had to never create this with in the kids, and if they were going to dislike someone here it was going to be me no matter what happened, so I knew to never get upset if they said something to me about what their mom had said. In the end they would love me for that. I had to win them over with patience and love, and not making their mom out to be a butt head and believe me as the second wife you really want to sometimes just out of insecurity. I totally get that too, being a step kid and having one of my step-mothers tell me that my mother was a witch with a "b" put me in a position that was horrible. I remember exactly what I was doing and where I was, I was only six years old so it was a while ago and I still remember wanting to defend my mom, but couldn't out of respect for this woman. (No worries, this woman didn't last long, my Dad got his wits about him)

This became my first rule in parenting these two boys. Never speak ill of their mother, no matter what is going on and believe me I have had some situations that I have left teeth marks in my tongue for biting it literally! Hold your tongue!!!! By the way this is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. So when you are biting your tongue off, know that if you just listen and pray, it will be that much easier to win the battle that is being waged, and you already have the victory in Jesus. Your tongue will thank you for it as well.

To Be Continued......