You meet the man you have been waiting for, good, kind, honest and oh wait a great father. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?! Well you want to have babies with this man someday and at least you already know what a great father he is going to be......right?! That was my reaction when I met my husband. I just knew he and I were meant to be together, but I was not sure I was ready for the whole kid thing. I wanted my own baby but I didn't know if I was ready to raise someone else's child. Being a step-kid myself and having had three step-moms and two step-dads at this point I thought, well at least I knew what I liked and didn't like from the child's perspective, that should give me a leg up!
Rule 1 Hold Your Tongue
I knew I was entering a position that has been vilified by fairy tales and TV alike. GREAT! I get that battle on top of everything else, THAAANNNKSS. Then there was the ex-wife/mother of these children factor. I had another layer there that I won't discuss in this blog out of respect for my children's mother. The part that I can discuss is that she was having to deal with these two kids that she birthed, having that maternal love for them that no one can break, listening to them talk about me and the fun stuff we would do. Let me tell you that would bring out the Mama Grizzly in even the most level headed woman. All the while I am just wanting to do right by the kids. She did of course get jealous and say things to the children that she shouldn't have, thereby creating a struggle with in these kids of loyalty. The kids actually liked me and when she would say bad things about me, the kids felt compelled to side with her, after all they are her children. I knew I had to never create this with in the kids, and if they were going to dislike someone here it was going to be me no matter what happened, so I knew to never get upset if they said something to me about what their mom had said. In the end they would love me for that. I had to win them over with patience and love, and not making their mom out to be a butt head and believe me as the second wife you really want to sometimes just out of insecurity. I totally get that too, being a step kid and having one of my step-mothers tell me that my mother was a witch with a "b" put me in a position that was horrible. I remember exactly what I was doing and where I was, I was only six years old so it was a while ago and I still remember wanting to defend my mom, but couldn't out of respect for this woman. (No worries, this woman didn't last long, my Dad got his wits about him)
This became my first rule in parenting these two boys. Never speak ill of their mother, no matter what is going on and believe me I have had some situations that I have left teeth marks in my tongue for biting it literally! Hold your tongue!!!! By the way this is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. So when you are biting your tongue off, know that if you just listen and pray, it will be that much easier to win the battle that is being waged, and you already have the victory in Jesus. Your tongue will thank you for it as well.
To Be Continued......
Harmel's Helping Hands is my business and it allows me to be relentless in purusing my passions which are God, my family, equine massage, energy healing, and animal welfare. This is just a place for me to do my brain dumps and updates. This won't always be about my job, it could just be a rant about my day.
